A Bit of Tris & Maxie: OMGZ HL is so HAWT!
by A Moment In Subtext
Summary: A Bit of Fry & Laurie A couple of fangirls gush about Hugh Laurie and are thenceforth caught.


A Bit of Fry & Laurie

A Bit of Tris & Maxie: OMGZ HL is so HAWT!

By. Cecilia Evans

Disclaimer: Neither Stephen Fry nor Hugh Laurie belong to me. I shudder to think what might happen if they did.

Spoilers: Um, vague spoilers for possibly everything, but you should be fine.

A/N (Cecilia): Yeah, its a spoof. Read far enough and you'll get to the cameo, huh?

A/N (A Moment In Subtext): This began as an innocent conversation between my muse and my cousin Cecilia's muse and sort of. . .evolved.

_X x X x X_

Tris: Like, oh my _gawd_, Hugh Laurie is so _hawt!_

Maxie: Isn't he just. I mean, sure he's hot _now_, but he was in_cred_ibly attractive when he was younger.

Tris: I _know!_ Like, in '_A Bit of Fry & Laurie'?_ _So_ hot.

Maxie: Its the accent. Brittish accents are always hot.

Tris: Even moreso when they're _real_.

Maxie: Mm-hm. Of course, its not _just_ the accent. He has great hair. It looks so soft, I just keep wanting to touch it.

Tris: I _know!_ It just looks so, so, so _pet-able!_ And his _eyes!_

Maxie: Oh, he has beautiful eyes. Gorgeous eyes. They're so sparkly!

Tris: And when he winks, or flutters them at the camera. . .

Maxie: _So_ hot. And speaking of hot, did you see that thing he did with his tongue at the end of season four, episode five?

Tris: You mean at the piano.

Maxie: Mm-hm.

Tris: God, yes. That was so incredibly hot!

Maxie: And the audience laughed. That didn't deserve a laugh.

Tris: It deserved something else entirely. But while we've got Hugh at the piano, have you _seen_ his hands.

Maxie: Piano fingers. _God_. Beautiful hands.

Tris: I _know!_ You've just got to watch them, they look so skillful.

Maxie: And imagine holding one. Stroking the palm. . .

Tris: And on the subject of stroking body parts-

Maxie: _Tris!_

Tris: What? I was just going to mention the swimming pool scene. You know, the one where you can see his _arms_.

Maxie: Oh. Well. That's okay then.

Tris: Duh. Anyway, I had to watch that scene again, audio-only, just to hear what he said.

Maxie: You know, you can see his arms in one scene of '_House'_ too. When he's with Stacy-

Tris: I _know!_ And, ohmygod, he's completely shirtless in that scene. So beautiful, I couldn't even bring myself to resent the het-shipping.

Maxie: He is a very distracting man, isn't he?

Tris: Oh, god, yes.

Maxie: He totally doesn't deserve all the beatings Stephen Fry keeps giving him.

Tris: _We-ell_. . .he did say that he asks for it sometimes. And did you _see_ the look on his face when he said it?

Maxie: It was a _very_ hot look.

Tris: And I'm sure I'm not the only one who was thinking about masochism.

Maxie: Kinky. Which reminds me, he even makes a hot woman.

Tris: I _know!_ I saw the words 'Hugh Laurie in a dress' on the back of the third season, and I'll admit, I squeed a little.

Maxie: So that was _you_. You know, cross-dressing usually squicks me a little.

Tris: I know what you mean. I mean, no offence, but most transvestites just look kind of creepy.

Maxie: Mm-hm. But Hugh can totally pull it off.

Tris: And he _totally_ has the legs for a skirt, too.

Maxie: begining of brittish accents Doesn't he, though? And they certainly didn't show that onscreen nearly enough. What, twice?

Tris: Actually, I think it was closer to three or four times.

Maxie: Oh, right. And some of the wigs he wears just look absolutely natural.

Tris: Like that one, um, shoulder length, brunette, um. . .

Maxie: Sort of hiting at auburn?

Tris: That's the one.

Maxie: I _love_ that one.

Tris: Even better is season two.

Maxie: God yes. And , and, he can even do a woman's voice properly.

Tris: I _know!_ It's just - it's a beautiful thing, doesn't even sound forced. God.

Maxie: Of course, his singing voice isn't half bad either. I mean, even with those mostly crap lyrics - sorry - his singing voice is _still _a_maz_ingly hot.

Tris: I _know!_ If the lyrics weren't such shit - sorry - I'd have put it on repeat by now.

Maxie: Oh, I wouldn't just _love_ to listen to him sing all night.

Tris: There are some _other_ sounds _I_'d like to hear from him all night.

(Stephen: I'm going to walk away and pretend I didn't hear that.)

Tris: I mean, there's something so innately shag-able about him.

Maxie: Oh, god, yes. He's like sex on legs. I'd do him in a heartbeat.

Tris: A heartbeat? Isn't that rather quick?

Maxie: . . .

Tris: I mean, I'd have figured, especially at his age now, that it'd take at least-

Maxie: Its just an expression!

Tris: An expression?

Maxie: Yes, an expression. Like, say. . ."I'd do him given half a chance."

Tris: Oh, no, you've got to wait until you've got at least three quarters of a chance.

Maxie: _What?_

Tris: Well, because, otherwise there'd be shouts of "Rape!" and those sorts of lawsuits are such a bother, you know?

Maxie: . . .

Tris: Well, this is awkward.

Maxie: I think we've gotten rather off topic.

Tris: Oh, so we have. Well. Let's remedy that.

Maxie: . . .Um. . .How?

Tris: Erm. . .I don't know. Now would be a nice place for an amusing and convenient interruption.

Maxie: . . .

Tris: . . .

Maxie: . . .

Tris: . . .

Maxie: . . .Or not. Where the hell is she?

Tris: I guess she's not coming.

Maxie: . . .

Tris: Alright, lets just skip straight on to the next bit.

Maxie: Oh, alright. Oh, oh, I know! Do you like Hugh better in-!

Riza: Nobody panic, I'm here!

Maxie: . . .You're late.

Riza: Sorry. I got caught in traffic.

Maxie: You live next door.

Riza: . . .Right. So. Firstly, you need better adjectives.

Tris: Huh?

Riza: Adjectives. Describing words. You need better ones.

Tris: What? Why?

Riza: The only one's you've used so far have been 'hot' and 'beautiful'.

Maxie: That's not true. Earlier, I used 'attractive' and 'gorgeous' and Tris used 'pet-able'.

Riza: That's not even a word. Now, gorgeous is good. Gorgeous is a beautiful word, you should definately use that one again. Now, how about 'lovely', 'stunning', 'sexy'.

Tris: 'Amazing', 'delicious', 'yummy'.

Maxie: Those are brilliant.

Riza: 'Brilliant', that's another one.

Maxie: Got any more?

Riza: 'Alluring', 'divine', 'fine', 'foxy', 'magnificent', 'mesmeric', 'pretty', and 'temping'. That's all you'll get from me today.

Maxie: Fine. And secondly?

Riza: Pardon?

Maxie: Well, you said 'firstly', I assume that means theres a 'secondly', maybe even a 'thirdly'.

Riza: No, no 'thirdly'. Now, secondly. You two are aware of how preppy you sound, right?

Maxie: . . .

Tris: . . .

Maxie: Oh _shit_.

Tris: I've just lost all respect for you.

Maxie: And _I_'ve just lost all respect for _you_.

Tris: Good.

Maxie: Good.

Riza: And on that note, I think I'll leave.

Maxie: . . .

Tris: . . .

Maxie: . . .

Tris: . . .So.

Maxie: So.

Tris: Well, so long as we're here, we might as well. . .?

Maxie: I don't see why not. Where was I?

Tris: You were about to ask me if I liked Hugh better in. . .?

Maxie: Oh, alright. Oh, oh, I know! Do you like Hugh better in a suit, or in casual clothes.

Tris: I'd like him better in nothing at all.

Maxie: Wouldn't we all. But, if you had to choose.

Tris: If I had to choose. . .Actually, I'd like him better in a dress.

Maxie: Again, wouldn't we all. But if you _had_ to choose.

Tris: If I _had_ to choose. . .Well, I'd like him better in tights.

Maxie: Oh, like in the swordfight at the end of season one?

Tris: Exactly. Doesn't he look marvelous in tights.

Maxie: Mm-hm. But, then, he looks amazing in anything.

Tris: I _know!_

Maxie: Right, but, if you _had_ to choose. Tights or causal clothes.

Tris: If I _had_ to choose. Well, suit, I suppose. It does have the benefit of slight kinkiness.

Maxie: Tie?

Tris: Tie.

Maxie: Asphixiation or bondage?

Tris: Bit of each, actually. Even just dragging him around by it. Such a lovely visual.

Maxie: Mm-hm. Whoa, when did we start using these brittish accents?

Tris: Oh, somewhere around "Doesn't he, though? And they certainly didn't show" blah blah blah.

Maxie: How the hell did you remember that?

Tris: I've got a copy of the scrept, see. Here - "Maxie: begining of brittish accents Doesn't he, though?" blah blah blah.

Maxie: You know, this would go a lot quicker if you'd just leave the bloody forth wall alone!

Tris: Right. So, what haven't we talked about yet?

Maxie: Well, interestingly enough, there is one thing.

Tris: Really, what?

(Stephen: See, Hugh, I told you there were people in there.)

Maxie: Well, we haven't talked about his arse yet.

Tris: We. . .haven't?

Maxie: I don't know. We really should have, because its such a beautiful bottom. Draws your eye every time he turns around.

Tris: I _know!_ It's spectacular, isn't it?

Maxie: Mm-hm. That episode, where they were talking about bottom-fondling?

Tris: With the cd player?

Maxie: That's the one. THe entire time ther'e talking about fondling bottoms, I'm thinking -

Tris and Maxie: "I'd gladly fondle _his!_"

(Hugh: Eep.)

Tris: What else haven't we talked about yet?

Maxie: Hum, lets see. . .Accent, hair, eyes, tongue, hands, arms, shirtless, masochism, cross dressing, legs, singing, shagability, outfits, tie, and arse.

Tris: Well, unless you're counting imlications, we've yet to mention his smile.

Maxie: Oh, yes, he doesn't have a pretty simele, doesn't he?

Tris: I _know._ Actually, he's got quite a pretty mouth, regardless of whether he's smiling or not.

(Hugh: Who are they Stephen? Stalkers?)

(Stephen: No, Hugh, I'm afraid its even worse that that.)

(Hugh: You don't mean-?)

(Stephen: Yes, Hugh. They're. . .fangirls!)

(Hugh: Nooooooo!)

Maxie: That look he gets, when he knows he's in trouble?

Tris: Oh, sort of awkward, brows hurrowed. Like, after he admitted to standing naked in front of a mirror, with a radish and-

Maxie: Don't go any further. Thats. . .kind of squicky.

Tris: Its certainly kinky. And the visual, if you ignore the radish. . .

Maxie: Now that's an image I could get behind.

Tris: Or in front of.

Maxie: Its just an expression, Tris.

(Stephen: Oh, I am sorry, Hugh.)

(Hugh: What? No you're not. You probably set this whole thing up just to make me squirm.)

(Stephen: Well, I do enjoy watching you squirm. But, no, I regret to say, this time, I've got nothing to do with it.)

(Hugh: What do we do?)

(Stephen: There's only one thing we can do. You'll have to go in there and get rid of them.

Hugh: What?! Why me?)

(Stephen: Because I'm a lazy twat. Now, take this earpiece and follow my instructions carefully.

Hugh: Oh. . .alright.)

Tris: It's Hugh Laurie! Oh my _gawd!_ He's even cuter in person!

Hugh/gulp/ Help.

(Stephen: Smile.)

Hugh: \smiles\

Tris and Maxie: \simper\

(Stephen: Now, wink.)

Hugh: \winks\

Tris and Maxie: \stare\

(Stephen: Remove your jacket, loosen your ties.)

Hugh: \removes jacket, loosens tie\

Tris and Maxie: \drool\

(Stephen: Now, say "Hello, ladies" and take a bow.)

Hugh: Hello, ladies, and take a bow.

(Stephen: \facepalm\ )

Tris and Maxie: Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee! \in comas\

Hugh: . . .

Stephen: . . .

Hugh: . . .

Stephen: . . .

Hugh: . . .Now hwat?

Stephen: Hmm. . .I'm not quite sure. Fade to the credits, I suppose.

Credits: \roll\

Tris - Cecilia Evans

Maxie - Clarissa Evans (A Moment In Subtext)

Riza - Clarissa Evans (A Moment In Subtext)

Hugh Laurie - written by Cecilia Evans

Stephen Fry - written by Cecilia Evans


End file.
